Sunday, February 27, 2011

Roasting Gaddafi, Mubarak, Ben Ali and Saleh with a smile

Arab jokes of the day might put a smile on your face. A friend who has been collecting them as a hobby recounted some for me to share.

URGENT: Libyan Television threatens to air Gaddafi’s address once more if protesters do not surrender.
URGENT: The UN asks Libyans to end their protests because the world cannot bear another Gaddafi speech.
Two new slogans appear on Libyan protesters’ placards:
1. People demand medical care for the Leader.
2. People demand the Leader’s speech be deciphered. 

Anwar Sadat asks Mubarak: Was it murder or a coup?
Mubarak: No, Facebook.
Communiqué No. 5 by Egypt’s Supreme Council of the Armed Forces warns protesters: If you don’t evacuate Tahrir Square, we’ll reinstate Mubarak.
Mubarak Viagra: Good for bedding 80 million people over 30 years without side effects.
Mubarak considers running for president in Tunisia. Tunisians take to the street to call for Ben Ali’s return.

Ben Ali jots down on his calendar:
Saturday: Cooking by Hosni, sweeping by Zine
Sunday: Cooking by Zine, laundry washing by Hosni
All other days: Meals in restaurants
As soon as Ben Ali enters a store looking for footwear, a salesperson comes forward and hands him a pair of shoes with the perfect fit.
Ben Ali: How did you figure my shoe size?
Salesperson: Because you stomped us for 23 years.
Ben Ali: I grasp what protesters are saying.
Mubarak: I served them.
Gaddafi: I’ll gouge out their eyes.
Ben Ali leaves Tunis after his fourth nomination for eviction. Nominees for next week are: (1) Egypt’s Mubarak (2) Libya’s Gaddafi (3) Yemen’s Ali Abdullah Saleh. Guess the next nominee’s name and join him on the flight to Saudi Arabia.

Saleh meets with his cabinet to discuss Yemen’s economic woes.
Minister: I have the perfect solution.
Saleh: What?
Minister: We declare war on America. After we lose, the Americans will spend billions to rebuild our country – much as they did in Germany and Japan after World War II.
Saleh: But what if we beat the Americans?
Saleh seeks funds for Yemen from UN aid agencies.
Aid officials tell him:  There’s a monkey in the garden, make it smile and we’ll give you $1 billion in aid.
Saleh whispers in the monkey’s ear and the monkey smiles.
Aid officials tell Saleh: Now make the monkey cry and we’ll double the aid.
Saleh whispers in the monkey’s ear and the monkey’s eyes swell up in tears.
UN officials tell Saleh: If you get the monkey to commit suicide we’ll triple the aid.
Saleh whispers in the monkey’s ear and the monkey commits suicide by jumping off a nearby rooftop.
Aid officials tell Saleh: Now tell us what exactly you told the monkey each time and we’ll quadruple the aid.
Saleh: When I told the monkey I was head of state, the monkey smiled. When I next told the monkey I ruled over 20 million people, the monkey cried. And when I last told the monkey to get ready to fly back with me to Yemen, the monkey committed suicide.


An Arab leader falls on “Aladdin’s Wonderful Lamp” and rubs it.
Jinn: At your beck and call!
Leader: Help me see my father who passed away in 1989.
Jinn: That’s extremely difficult.
Leader: Fine, then I want you to make my citizens love me.
Jinn: What year did you say your father died?
A pollster asks an Egyptian, a Sudanese and an Iraqi: What’s your opinion on eating meat?
The Sudanese: What’s eat?
The Egyptian: What’s meat?
The Iraqi: What’s opinion?

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